My Week End Pandemic

I went to a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious amounts of alcohol. I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes, etc.

From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu. This debilitating condition is very serious - and it appears this is not an isolated case.

Reports are flooding in from all around the country of others diagnosed with Wine Flu. To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down. However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately rent a DVD and take some Ibuprofen . Others are reporting a McDonald's Happy Meal can also help in some cases. If not, then further application of the original liquid, in similar quantities to the original dose, has been shown to do the trick.

Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening and, if treated early, can be eradicated within a 24-48 hour period.

NOTE: If you find you are complaining a lot, it may be that it has mutated into Whine Flu. This is particularly common in men and can quickly spread to their partners where the symptoms are detected as a serious case of eye-rolling.

Above and Beyond Stupid

So...We buy some new patio furniture last summer. It seems that employee #96 forgot to stick a small piece of plastic on one the the metal chair legs. How she/he missed it, I'll never know, with only four legs per chair. Maybe he only had three fingers on which to count, or maybe the conveyor belt was going too fast, ala I Love Lucy (chocolate factory episode). Seeing as how our deck is made of cedar, we really don't want the ever living shit scratched out of it.


I found one of the tags that was attached to the set and proceeded to phone the manufacturer, thinking it would be no big hairy deal to stick one of those little feet (slides, I was told they are called) in an envelope and mail it to me. Now I know that being in Canada we may have to wait an extra few days for the envelope to clear customs, but whatever.


A few weeks go by and I don't get anything in the mail, so I phone back. Another few weeks go by - nothing. This happens twice more. Another phone call to the manufacturer is made, where I sit on hold several times getting switched from department to department until I finally reach the right brainiac in charge. After a few minutes of explaining my situation to him he puts me on hold and goes to talk with his supervisor. He finally comes back on the line and says "Um...we don't have any of those parts. We're going to have to send you a new chair".

A few seconds of silent disbelief go by.

"Can't you just pull off one of the little slides off the chair and stick it in an envelope and mail it to me?" An obvious solution.

"Um, nope" he answered.

"Can I maybe take one from a chair where I bought the set?" I asked back.

"Um, nope, ma'am, can't allow that either," he said.

Unbelievable. So I ask him, just to be sure, "you mean you are going to have to FedEx me a whole new chair from the southern United States all the way here up in Canada?"

I didn't expect it to happen, but a few days ago, while opening the door expecting to find the morning paper I'm greeting by this:



Really, I couldn't make this shit up if I tried.

What Would Miss Manners Say?

Ok, I need everyone to put on their thinking caps and give me their opinion on a little ethical question.

I'll make it brief because it's not all that interesting and ummm...I'm too lazy to go into great detail. I will even point form part of it.

-I bought a new car a few months back.

- The neighbour's (across the street) kid and his friends have taken to playing catch with a football out in the street. Now when I say "kid" I'm talking about someone around the age of 20 who lives with his Mom and works a few hours every evening as a fast food delivery guy. Oh yeah, his main source of income is selling pot - not that that has ever caused problems though. Does his Mom know this? Most likely.

- While washing the car last week I find a significant dent on the roof. Hmmmm....three guesses how that happened.

- My husband gets an estimate to have it fixed and takes it across the street. Puglsy (as I have referred to him by for years because he is a dead-ringer for the character) wasn't home. After a few days of not hearing anything from him, my husband confronts him outside about it. Pugsly totally denies it. Lying little bastard. Our daughter saw him (and his equally brain dead friends) hit the car TWICE . Also hit was a car belonging to someone visiting our house and various other neighbours' cars.

- Now we're stuck paying about $550 to fix the dent or pay the deductible on my insurance, but risk that increasing.

So kids? What now? Pugsley is a little too old for us to go have a word with his Mom. I say we pay the bill and let Karma take care of Pugs. My husband wants revenge, but I really don't want anything like that on my conscience. Keep in mind that this has been a pretty good place to live for the last eleven years. I really don't want to go all "handbags at dawn" with his mom, or create a hostile situation for anyone.

I'm listening...

Who Knew?

It started out innocently enough. Cover up an ugly concrete garage footing with lattice and maybe try growing some Scarlet Runner beans to climb the lattice, adding some nice greenery and pretty red flowers.

Yup, the vines grew like crazy and the red flowers were beautiful.

What we didn't count on was thousands of large beans. I began by offering them around the neighbourhood and to friends.

Now it's to the point where the family is sick to death of them and after dark I send the kids out to abandon bags of beans on neighbourhood doorsteps.

Next year I think I'll grow something else there - not quite so prolific...

For Christine & a MeMe

Earlier today Christine posted a picture of an orange and yellow house and was wondering how people get away with stuff like that in their neighbourhood. While I did sympathize, I noticed how at least the yard and house did look somewhat cared for. Houses left derelict to rot are the ones that bug me the most.

Here in Nanaimo we have an active "Art Car Society" Basically cars with shit glued and screwed all over them. Mostly they stick to themes such as Star Wars, or troll dolls, trophies, barbies, etc. I once saw a pick up truck with little guys off of trophies attached to the entire vehicle. Hmmm...What makes people do this? Oddly, I find this kind of behaviour somewhat interesting. Seems a member of this society decided to include his/her house in this fashion. I rode over to take a photo of both, but the car wasn't there.


Amazingly enough this house is in a nice heritage area in town. The surrounding houses have been lovingly restored to their original beauty. I wonder how they feel about this place.

If you look closely you can see mannequins in the windows. Odd security system, I guess.

Ok - second part of todays blog - the Christine's MeMe. Play along if you like.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Was feeling suicidal.

What was your last thought?

What the hell am I going to create out of Turkey leftovers tonight? (Canadian Thanksgiving here)

Are you a cat or a dog person?

Cat! Although I wouldn't mind having a dog, too.

Define yourself in 3 words...

BAT SHIT CRAZY

Kill the spider or let it out?

Smash it into bits and spray raid along all baseboards as well.

Do you shower every single day?

Yup.

Walking past a beggar, spare change or ignore?

Depends on the situation.

Where do you want to travel next?

Disneyland.

What is your favorite food?

Thai

Do you read harry potter books?

No, but seen all the movies.

What is your favorite place?

Here, on the Island.

If you could have one super human power what would you choose?

Be able to fly.

Have you had a beer in the last week?

Nope, wine though.

Vitamin Water or Gatorade?

Plain water.

What is your favorite song of all time?

Pink Floyd's Wish You Were Here.

When and where was the best picture of you taken?

A family reunion - my folks place.

The Latest Happenings in Olly's World

Yup, it seems that this stupid cold is bypassing the men of the house. Friday I came down with it. Of course, I'm missing that all important bit of anatomy that allows me to lay on the couch and wallow in my own misery, so I ended up having a pretty productive weekend after all. Lots of end of the summer stuff took place here at the Devil's house. Didn't manage to cut the grass though. I'm hoping we have a few more dry days so I can do that.

One really annoying thing - I lost my voice Friday and it still hasn't returned. This makes those nasty collection calls that I make a bit tricky. The kids and husband are taking full advantage of the situation, though. "What? I can't understand you. You'll have to speak louder." Then giggling amongst themselves. They know when they're on to a good thing! I've been trolling my facebook friends, trying to see if anyone will come over and bark a few orders for me. One taker so far. Things are looking up!

Flu Season

Third week of school and one of my kids comes home with a scratchy throat and runny nose.

Great...

Could be a cold. Wonderful.

Could be Swine Flu. Well we are kind of expecting it anyway.

Just please, please, please, please.....

NOT MAN FLU!

Kill me first!!!!!!